Don’t lie. You and I both know that there are nights you go out for one reason and one reason only: finding someone to bring back home. Good news is Chicago has some of the best hookup bars to get laid, so you’re in luck.
Sure, dating apps like Tinder and Bumble offer some reprieve for those trying to get lucky without getting off of the couch, but as it turns out, there really is no substitute for the large number of easy hookup opportunities at bars in Chicago.
So for those of you who are damn sick of riding solo, or maybe just looking for someone to ride out the night with, here are the best hookup bars in Chicago. You’re welcome.
The Hangge-Uppe
14 West Elm Street
Located smack-dab in the middle of Gold Coast’s bumpin’ bar scene is The Hangge-Uppe, a self-described “dive club” and legendary singles bar. Now, I’m not really sure what a “dive club” is, but no matter what you call this spot, you’ve gotta admit it gives off some serious vibes. A visit to the Hangge-Uppe is the easiest way to get laid in Chicago. This club offers a slightly-seedy neighborhood bar feel and a great mix of tunes.
El Hefe
15 West Hubbard
El Hefe is… an experience. Picture, if you will, an upscale sports bar that also offers the bottle service of a club, complete with confetti cannons and sparklers. Add to that some damn good tacos and a shit ton of tequila and BAM, you’ve got this River North joint. Sure, El Hefe has its skeezier moments, but with awesome drink specials, a great party atmosphere and an utter horde of twenty-somethings piling in on the weekends, a trip to this bar is one of the easiest ways to get laid in the city. Be warned though, you will leave covered in champagne and glitter, that’s just part of the deal.
Slippery Slope
2357 North Milwaukee
Dancing: 
Great Drinks: Cool Crowd: Ski Ball:
Logan Square’s Slippery Slope has almost literally got it all. With a winning combo of fun games, cheap booze, and choice music, this dive-esque bar is a prime spot to pick up your next hookup. Whether you’re reliving the sexual vitriol of your senior prom with a DFMO or cozying up to someone new in the swankiest of faux-leather booths, Slippery Slope has got options for any brand of late-night flirtation. Also, ski ball is really fun, so there’s that.
Federales
180 North Morgan
Taco joint by day, adult play place by night, Federales is the place to go if you’re looking for easy hookups. This River North bar is usually swamped wall-to-wall with twenty and thirty-somethings on weekends and weeknights alike. Perhaps a bit tamer than some of the other establishments on this list (here’s lookin’ at you, El Hefe) Federales isn’t so much of a “dance and go home” kind of bar as it is one that requires its drunk-ass patrons have an actual conversation with the person they’re trying to pick up. I know, it’s effin’ revolutionary. Amazing.
View the 5 Best Neighborhoods For Bar-Hopping in Chicago
Are you trying to find the best neighborhoods for bar-hopping in Chicago? View our list of the top 5 bar-hopping hoods in the city.
View the 5 Best Neighborhoods for Bar-Hopping
Bunny Slope
15 East Ohio (The ACME Hotel)
Two words: hot tub.
I repeat: this River North bar has a hot tub. Though strictly speaking The Bunny Slope isn’t open to the public, this ski slope themed cocktail lounge does host plenty of parties on its calendar. And if you are #blessed enough to swipe an invite to one of these exclusive events, you better prepare to walk into one of the straight-up sexiest venues in the city and possibly get laid. What this lounge doesn’t have in numbers or dance floors, it definitely makes up for in sex appeal.
East Room
2354 North Milwaukee
If hipster-types are your one night stand of choice, then East Room is the hookup bar for you. Located in Logan Square, this DJ venue and concert hall is not really a dive, but definitely not a club either. Like many-a-bar in this roundup, the East Room rocks that “Dirrty” dance floor, 2002 X-Tina-type vibes – but this spot does so with the added bonus of playing totally amazing music. Though, true, the caliber of tunes won’t really have too much of an effect on your chances of getting laid, it might make for an easy conversation starter. Again I say, you’re welcome.
Berlin
954 West Belmont
Taking its name from one of the most openly sexual cities in Europe, Chicago’s Berlin is the sex-positive club of your dreams. Though maybe not quite as free-spirited as some of Germany’s most infamous hookup clubs (look up the Kit Kat club at your own risk), Berlin definitely adapts a kind of “anything goes” mentality when it comes to your need to get laid. As long as everything is consensual (emphasis on consensual, please), Berlin really doesn’t give a damn about what you’re gonna do or who you’re doing it with when you leave the club, making it one of the easiest ways to get laid in Chicago.
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